Growing up was rarely fun. However, I did learn many valuable skills through adverse experiences, especially during my early years. I was not aware of this until much later in life, but I finally saw the strength I gained through my struggles.
My mother was someone that shared everything out loud, at least all of my business. I was embarrassed most of my childhood because she would tell people things that were very personal to me. Many of my most embarrassing moments she shared with the world, yet was not truthful about her own choices. I often felt small, humiliated, and ashamed when my private uncomfortable experiences were shared with others. These episodes weren’t geared toward solving my problem, or for me to feel supported. I am not sure I would have cared if they were, she shared my private business and I hated it.
For years I found so much wrong with the way my mother parented my siblings and I. Even today, knowing she did the best with what she knew, I don't understand the thinking behind some of her actions. I spent years hating her, blaming her, and wishing her the same fate she had given me. And, who knows, maybe she was secretly being eaten away inside, hating herself and all she had done to us kids. I was never able to see it, though. I don’t think I would know what I was looking for if I did see it. Because of her choices the woman I am today emerged, and I love myself. So was it all bad? I am grateful for the strength I gained through adverse experiences.
The things my mother did were necessary for me to get where I am today. Not that she was intentional in creating the woman I am, but I happened because of her parenting. Because of the constant unveiling of my secrets and her lack of transparency, I learned to be unapologetically myself. I learned that what was important to me was honesty and integrity. My mom taught me to be honest and open because if it came from me first, it hurt less when it came back to smack me in the face. For each thing my mom did that I did not agree with, I gained a valuable skill that helped me become stronger than I ever thought possible. The years I spent embarrassed by what she did turned out to serve me down the road. Things I perceive as lemons will always become lemonade.
It is my sincere belief that all life experiences are to the good. Each thing in my life exists in order for me to be of service to someone else. I have not always felt this way, but since I've adopted this to be my truth, the way I approach life is much different. That does not mean I am openly accepting of all things. But it does mean that I know something beneficial will come from every challenge I experience.
If my mom were alive today I would say, “thank you mom for preparing me to face the world boldly and without fear.”
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